Alcoholism & The Family Unit – Part I: The Spouse

Watching a spouse self-destruct and slowly kill themselves with alcohol is like walking through the desert with a hundred pound weight strapped to your shoulders. You see no water (relief) in sight and your energy and ambition for life is slowly slipping away. This is why most spouses end up leaving the alcoholic in a last ditch effort to force them into treatment.

Some may give an ultimatum that the alcoholic enter treatment or suffer a divorce, while others may finally drop to their knees from the unbearable pain and pressure of carrying that weight and simply pack up and leave. Either way, it is a turning point in the life of the alcoholic and an overwhelming emotional experience for the spouse. They often feel guilty for leaving yet at the same time they know they can no longer bear to stay in the marriage.

The weight and sensation of constant pressure comes from a variety of factors that always exist when living with an alcoholic:

* Worry and fear for the alcoholic’s safety and well being.

* Physical and/or mental abuse from the alcoholic.

* Fear for the safety and security of children.

* Struggles to financially support the alcoholic or entire family alone.

* Worry over the reputation of the family or others finding out about the alcoholic.

Just one of these issues is enough to keep a wife or husband in constant turmoil, but when you compound them all together it is an overwhelming experience that starts to feel just like wandering through that desert with the immense weight strapped to your shoulders.

Leaving the alcoholic doesn’t relieve all of the weight, but it can relieve many of the issues contributing to it. For instance, the fear and worry over the safety and well being of the alcoholic may actually be intensified once no one is there to constantly keep an eye on them but on the other hand the safety of children in the family and escape from abuse on the spouse may be a relief.

By the time an alcoholic seeks treatment and starts recovery it is often too late to save the marital relationship, though many spouses will actively participate in the recovery process if needed.