My Father the Alcoholic

Posted by editor in Alcohol Addiction on Dec 24th, 2009 | no responses

From age six I was always the one to find my father drinking even when the rest of the family thought he was sober again. Due to this fact I always knew that when he made a promise it would be broken making it hard for me to believe that anyone was ever telling me the truth. Watching his secretive behaviors also helped me learn how to hide my secrets as well, which meant hiding away myself from everyone who knew me as a form of protection.

My Father the Alcoholic My Father the AlcoholicWhile I formed relationships at school it was only partial on my side with friends often changing as I grew up since I was not comfortable with people who appeared to know me to well. No one knew that when I went home I would spend nights pulling my father out of the bathroom into bed or on rare nights when he got violent locking the door or calling my uncle. Although he never directly hurt anyone while in a violent mood he did make many holes in the walls and his yelling was enough to make me jump as a negative reminder of my whole childhood.

As a result of keeping myself emotional distance I often find myself hiding things that I had no reason to. For this reason I lost many friends and watched relationship after relationship fail throughout college. Although I tried my best to always present a positive front, people who tried to get close to me could tell I was always holding something back and would catch me in stupid lies that I could not explain.

When I became drinking age I spent two years of my life enjoying the same lifestyle as my father until one day I woke alone realizing that I had become no better. While I understand the thrill that drinking held as a solution and escape, I also knew the result. The problem was that I also had to face down withdrawal which is the toughest challenge I have ever taken on.

Today I am sober but every time I walk into a college bar I am approached with the same choice that for me is so much more complicated than my friends. However, since they are not allowed to know me I struggle with it alone, which continues to separate me from living a happy life.

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